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How To Cause Environmental Pollution: A Step-By-Step Primer
from:All right, enough of this hippy-dippy nonsense. It's time to stop talking about how to solve the problems of environmental pollution, a phenomenon that, according to recent reports from the World Health Organization and the World Bank, is responsible for the death of one in five people around the world every year. That's just not fast enough! If all of us work together, we can help to cause environmental pollution to the point where we can shave entire decades, even centuries off of the lifetime of human beings on this planet. So let's get started!
Step #1: Increase Your Carbon Footprint.
Your carbon footprint is the amount of carbon dioxide gas that you release into the environment every day, just by virtue of existing. Since carbon dioxide gas in the atmosphere is the single biggest cause of global warming through the greenhouse effect, a positive carbon footprint means that you're releasing more carbon into the atmosphere than the environment can compensate for through natural means. In the United States, one household uses up an average of 19 metric tons of carbon gas every year, gas that remains trapped in the sky, slowly heating up the planet, melting the polar ice caps, and making the world hotter and harder to live in every moment.
You can do far better than that! If you're carpooling or biking to work, stop immediately and buy an SUV. Buy one for every member of your family. Drive everywhere you go, even to your next-door neighbor's house: why should you take any responsibility for the environment? Are we trying to cause environmental pollution here or aren't we?
Step #2: Consume, Consume, Consume.
Plastic is one of the most common materials used in consumer goods, and one of the most difficult to create. To create a plastic housing, to package it, and to ship it to a store near you costs massive amounts of petroleum, earthly riches that can never be renewed in your lifetime. Increase the rate of petroleum consumption by buying as much as you can--the more worthless the product, the better! Buy so much that the store runs out of inventory and has to order more. Manufacturing will go up and fossil fuels will go down! As a bonus, more waste products will be dumped into the water and air--now that's how to cause environmental pollution!
Step #3: Ignore All Advice Contrary To This Guide.
If lawmakers in the United States can do it, so can you! Any piece of information you can get--information about exactly how deadly environmental pollution is, exactly why we need to care about it, and exactly why we need to take action today in our daily lives to stop environmental pollution--is going to slow you down in your goal, which is to cause environmental pollution. So stop reading and learning--right now!
Stop learning! That's the best way, after all, to cause environmental pollution.
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Kinds Of Environmental Pollution News
BP to spend $400 million in air pollution settlement - Boston Herald
 Globe and Mail | BP to spend $400 million in air pollution settlement Boston Herald "We are pleased to have reached an agreement that protects jobs, consumers and the environment," said Steve Cornell, president of BP Products North America. BP's legal battle with federal authorities and environmental groups revolved around a $3.8 ... US reaches pollution agreement at BP Indiana plant BP Agrees to Precedent-setting Settlement Over Whiting Refinery Pollution Permits |
Allied World US Launches Environmental Contractors Professional and Pollution ... - MarketWatch (press release)
Allied World US Launches Environmental Contractors Professional and Pollution ... MarketWatch (press release) The new Contractors Professional and Pollution Liability (CPP) Policy is part of Allied World's expanded product offering for the Construction industry. The company has also introduced a new, complimentary 24/7 Environmental Helpline service available ... ALLIED WORLD ASSURANCE CO HOLDINGS, AG. : Allied World U.S. Launches ... |
Tell the EPA You Support Carbon Pollution Protections - Huffington Post
 Natural Resources Defense Council (blog) | Tell the EPA You Support Carbon Pollution Protections Huffington Post At public hearings in Chicago and Washington, DC yesterday, supporters, public health officials, and scientists are testifying in favor of the Environmental Protection Agency's Carbon Pollution Standard, the first-ever limit on life-threatening carbon ... Cut Carbon Pollution from America's Power Plants, NRDC Tells EPA Public Hearings Faith leaders applaud carbon pollution rule EPA Guides Marinas on Best Ways to Prevent Water .... |
Environmental group tags Cowell Beach a 'bummer', again - San Jose Mercury News
Environmental group tags Cowell Beach a 'bummer', again San Jose Mercury News Santa Monica-based Heal the Bay released its annual beach water quality report cards Thursday, and the strip of sand west of the Municipal Wharf again rated an “F,” making it one of the most polluted beaches on the West Coast. |
PennFuture, Sierra Club, and NRDC Slam EPA for Proposing a Free Pass for Toxic ... - MarketWatch (press release)
PennFuture, Sierra Club, and NRDC Slam EPA for Proposing a Free Pass for Toxic ... MarketWatch (press release) ... 2012 (BUSINESS WIRE) -- The US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) released draft proposed rules this week that would create special loopholes for dirty diesel and gas electricity generators, allowing them to avoid installing pollution controls ... |